My satellite program guide chops off show titles in a way I always assumed was random. Now, after meticulous scientific examination, I see that it's not random - that some tiny enclave of liberals have squeaked their messages into, of all things, my satellite program guide!

Here, for the first time, you can see the evidence and make up your own mind. I have not altered the text of the TV images - this is the real text from the real program guide, mined over the course of months.

The Story of W

Our story begins with a dissolute man. A man who couldn't run a business to save his life. A back-alley scrapper. In short: a "Junkyard W"

Then Dick Cheney appeared. A man who understood politics. A man who understood business. "The Man Who Understood W"

Under Dick Cheney's tutelage, W became a changed man. A sober man. A Christian man. In short, he became "Another W"

Then it was time to run for office. To meet the public. To meet the electorate. And more importantly, to "Meet the PR"

Sure, the election was tight. But with the help of his brother in Florida and the Supreme Court, W won the day. From then on, everybody in Washington wanted to be called his friend. They each wanted to gain the nickname "Dances With W"

Then tragedy struck. Terrorists from Afganistan attacked. And W responded... by attacking some other country. Canadians should breathe easy that he sent our troops east instead of north. He was Macho. He was Loco. He was "The Crazy W"

After three years of fear-mongering, it was time to be re-elected. But John Kerry stood between W and success. So W sent his Swift Boat monster to destroy Kerry. He sent his "Creature W"

The Creature W called Kerry names. It called him a liar. It called him a pile of "Yankee Doo"...

Kerry identified with John F. Kennedy. The Creature W called him "The JFK Ass"

Kerry retaliated with his distinguished duty in Vietnam. The Creature W responded with claims that his heroism was inflated. That Kerry was directing his own "Vietnam War: Opera"

Then W's spendthrift ways began to show. Tax cuts to the rich and his military giveaways began to add up. The economy refused to recover - the very thing that ended his father's presidency: "A Low Dow"

Things were looking bad. W walked the halls of the West Wing. Talking to the portraits. He became "Insomniac W"

Once again, friends rallied to his side. Arnold spoke at the convention. Arnold, who everybody calls the "Gubernator"

But after the initial bump in the polls, support started slipping for W. It was time for him to visit the dust bowl of middle America. To see unemployment firsthand. To experience "The Grapes of W"

Then the kitchen light of investigative journalism revealed the skittering cockroaches of corruption. The public saw the ugly little man inside the giant cowboy hat. It was the End Times and W got Left Behind. It was "Revelations: The End of the W"

But don't worry. You haven't seen "The Last W"

He's been outsourced. He's been off-shored. He's finally relaxing as the "Caribbean W"

Shameless Self-Promotion

If you want a card hand-made by our son and daughter-in-law, you can find that at www.ForestBug.com